


April Fools' Day: Bat Style 2019

by Reah22



Series: Bat Holidays [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: April Fools' Day, Bruce can't remember how many kids he has, Family Fluff, Jason is a brat, Pranks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-12-30 15:58:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18318542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reah22/pseuds/Reah22
Summary: April Fools' Day at the Batfam can be trying on the nerves, and Bruce can't remember how many kids he has.





	April Fools' Day: Bat Style 2019

Batchat

Dickiebird: Hey guys! I have an idea for a prank to pull on B. Text me back soon, we only have a little while to set it up and I’ll need help!

CASSerole: ;)

SpoilerAlert: Count me in!

Yum: Just tell me when…

TheNewProphet: This is a really bad idea

Dickiebird: Come on, Babs, pleeeeeease?

Yum: I could just read the puppy dog eyes. Dick’s leveled up.

TheNewProphet: I never said I wouldn’t. Just preparing myself for a ‘told you so’

SpoilerAlert: Ha! Like we could screw up one of Dick’s plans

Yum: 0-0

SpoilerAlert: YEAH I’ll shut up now

BloodSon: This is ridiculous. Why would one want to pull a prank on Father?

Dickiebird: well, it’s kind of like a tradition, Little D. On April first, everyone pulls pranks on each other. That’s why it’s called April Fools Day. The last couple of years we’ve been busy, so it’s technically your first year participating!

Yum: It’s kind of like a competition by now. We’ve been doing it since my second year as Robin. Whoever can pull off the most spectacular prank with the best results wins, but we usually work together to pull something over on B. It’s more fun that way

BloodSon: Well, if it’s tradition. 

Yum: As tradition as Robin being taken away from you and taking out your anger on your replacement

Jaybirb has kicked Yum out of the chat for workplace harassment

Dickiebird: Hey Jay! I like your new name ;)

Jaybirb has changed BloodSon’s name to BloodSun

TheNewProphet: Jason, don’t be an ass

Jaybirb has kicked TheNewProphet out of the chat for sexual harassment

Dickiebird: Jason… 

Jaybirb has kicked Dickiebird out of the chat for condescending tones through text

SpoilerAlert: That’s a thing? 

SpoilerAlert: Jason, teach me your ways!

Jaybirb has kicked SpoilerAlert out of the chat for being annoying

CASSerole: Jason, this is not funny

CASSerole: I know where you live

Jaybirb has kicked CASSerole out of the chat for stalking

BloodSun has kicked Jaybirb out of the chat for Jasoning

BloodSun has added Dickiebird, TheNewProphet, SpoilerAlert, and CASSerole

CASSerole has added Yum

Dickiebird: I think we woke him up

DukeSignal: Do I get points for being one of the only ones to survive the purge?

BloodSun: I’M the one who ended it. You just hid.

DukeSignal: That’s the only way to survive a cranky Jason. I thought you guys would have learned that two weeks ago. You know, when we had to create this group chat because he wouldn’t add us back?

Yum has changed BloodSun’s name to Demonspawn

TheNewProphet has turned on Child Lock

TheNewProphet: There. Now I’M the only one who can kick people out, add them, or change names. I don’t know how all of you,TRAINED VIGILANTES, aren’t mature enough to handle this, but apparently you aren’t. 

Yum: Hey, why is my name Yum? 

DukeSignal: Remember last week when you took the last doughnut? I took revenge.

Yum: By naming me yum?

DukeSignal: Like the jingle. RED ROBIN

Demonspawn: YUM

Yum: I hate this family. 

Dickiebird: SPEAKING OF THIS FAMILY

Dickiebird: WE STILL HAVE TO PLAN B’S PRANK!!!

Yum: TURN OFF CAPS LOCK

Dickiebird: right. Sorry. I have a plan…

 

 

Bruce woke up with a feeling of foreboding, and for a moment he couldn’t think of why. Then he saw what day it was, and it returned tenfold. April Fools’ Day was bad enough as it was; with eight trained vigilante detectives as children, it was even worse. He did have eight, right? Babs was here enough, and she would never pass down a chance to pull on over on any of the family-with the obvious exception of Alfred. Duke, Damian, and Cass were living here; at least, he was pretty sure there was three black-haired children in the manor right now. Tim spent the night here after patrol, right? He thought Steph might have also. Dick was down from the ‘haven for the weekend. And was he on good terms with Jason this week? He couldn’t remember. That was all of them, right? Distracted, he stepped through the door, neatly dodging the tacks and pins scattered across the floor. Down the hall, he could see Duke hopping back into his room holding his foot, and somewhere in the distance Tim was shouting in triumph. Bruce sighed heavily and continued down to breakfast and coffee--glorious coffee.

When he got to the kitchen, he was promptly handed a plate of assorted breakfast food by Alfred. 

“Thanks, Al. Um-how many kids, exactly, do I have right now?” Alfred didn’t bother to hide his laugh, and Bruce didn’t bother to hide his (very manly) pout. 

“Seven, sir. Jason is the only one not here right now, though I suspect he may show up later. If he is smart, he will bring reinforcements for me against his siblings.” Bruce chuckled; Jason was his grandfather’s grandson. He didn’t think twice to bite into the sunny-side up egg that was sitting prominently on his plate. He regretted it soon enough, though. 

“Alfred! What is this?!” 

“Yogurt, sir. And if I were you, I would neglect to inform your numerous progeny of this development. I would hate to use more… creative ways to persuade you.” Bruce could only stare up at the last safe haven on April Fools’ Day. It was settled. If Alfred teamed up with the kids against him next year, all his detective skills wouldn’t save him. 

 

Damian smirked from behind the plant as Grayson emerged from his room, yawning and heading into the bathroom. It was perfect. Richard was expecting Gordon to come after him, and Drake was expecting him. They weren’t expecting the other, however, and Damian knew just how to get to Grayson. 

The scream that echoed from the bathroom proved that much. 

 

Tim contentedly listened to the pained sounds coming from Duke’s room. He practically lived for April Fool’s Day; it was one of the few times he could pull something over on his siblings while not expecting retaliation. Well… too much retaliation. And this was payback for the chat name. He wasn’t a burger joint; it was pure coincidence! Quietly, he turned to sneak away from Duke’s room, looking down to check his phone for the next target. 

Oracle’s familiar symbol echoed across his screen before fading to a slideshow of all of Red Robin’s most embarrassing moments; as Robin, Red and otherwise, and (even more embarrassing) Tim Drake. Tim shrieked and yelled to Babs, knowing she would hear him. The slideshow’s volume only rose, and Tim had a sickening feeling that it was also being broadcast to all of the other Batfam’s phones. Just great. He had been prepared for the demonspawn; not the all-powerful Oracle.

 

Steph chuckled as she watched Damian watch Dick. She knew exactly how it would go down. Damian was about to get his ass kicked. As Dick hightailed it out of the bathroom, screaming something about ‘damned fire ants, Damian,how could you!’ While Damian watched, she snuck up behind him and moved to pour the slime down his back. The result was immediate; he shrieked and twisted around, going for her throat. Steph blocked it just in time, and Damian glared hatefully. 

“You’ll regret this, Brown.”

 

Duke barely made it within three feet of Cass before she informed him, in a very bored tone, “Try it. I dare you.”

 

They all waited together in the Batcave, staring down Bruce from where he was hunkered down at the computer. 

“I don’t think your plan will work.” Barbara whispered. She was hidden behind the main body of the dinosaur, her wheelchair carefully covered. 

“It will.” 

“No. It won’t. All of you, come out. I’m tired of this holiday. From now on, can you all please just refrain from bringing me into it? And I’m also disappointed that you think I would fall for a bucket of water. Honestly, Dick?” They sheepishly crept out from behind the T-Rex. 

“Not my greatest plan, I’ll admit. Sorry, B. We won’t do it again.”

“Thank you, Di--aaaarrrrgggghhhh!” The rest of Bruce’s sentence was cut off as Jason leapt out of seemingly nowhere and dumped a bucket of water on him. The rest of the family winced in sympathy as they noticed the ice chunks in it.

“JASON PETER TODD!!!” Everybody winced again at Bruce’s expression-he was furious. “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!!” 

Jason seemed unconcerned, merely offering his trademark smirk and somehow managing to look up at Bruce. “Sorry, Dad. I couldn’t resist. Thought it would be funny.” Bruce’s brain seemed to freeze at the word ‘Dad’, and he managed to stammer something like a forgiveness out. The rest of the Batkids could only stare in disbelief. As Jason turned to head up into the Manor, he grinned and leaned in closer to his siblings. 

“That’s how you do April Fools’ Day.”

**Author's Note:**

> Ah, family... dontcha just LOVE April Fools' Day?


End file.
